dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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