Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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