maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
