you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
