I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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