i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
