How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
