You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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