You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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