did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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