I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
