dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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