You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
