Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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