I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
