I faked an abortion last night.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
