You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
