I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
