It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
