he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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