take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
