you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
