Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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