I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
