I'm so fucking centered right now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
