brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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