they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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