There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
