how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
