Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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