My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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