the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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