oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
