I am puke
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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