Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
