I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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