K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
