we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
