I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
