Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
