life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
