dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
