apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
