so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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