this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
