We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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