it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
