you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
