there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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