Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
