I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
