i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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