even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
