It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
