Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
