I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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