In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
